UNSOLICITED · UNVERIFIED · UNDENIABLE
Every book gets reviewed. The publisher keeps replying. Legal has asked them to stop.
No reviews match that combination. The Department considers this a success.
Book One
“Started as a joke. Ended with trust issues.”
🍄 user-739483 (“Definitely Not a Government Agent”)
★☆☆☆☆
Do NOT read this book. Do NOT ask questions. Everything is fine. Please go back to work.
End Stall Publishing · Publisher
We appreciate all feedback, including feedback submitted from an IP address registered to a building with no windows.
🧠 IndigoMom777
★★★★★
I bought this for my husband as a gag. Now he won’t shut up about MKUltra. Five stars.
End Stall Publishing · Publisher
Thank you. We are legally required to note that we did not intend this outcome, and morally required to note that we are delighted by it.
🛸 Anonymous Reviewer
★★★★★
I can neither confirm nor deny that this book contains too much truth. But I will say this: they’re watching you now.
End Stall Publishing · Publisher
We have restored this review. We were not asked to remove it. We removed it preemptively, which our counsel says is “worse.”
📞 ‘Greg’ (from the Pillar II intro)
★☆☆☆☆
My toaster isn’t smarter than me. This book is defamation.
End Stall Publishing · Publisher
We have reviewed Mr. Greg’s complaint. We stand by the passage. We have also reviewed Mr. Greg’s toaster. We stand by the toaster.
‘Greg’
You have never met my toaster.
End Stall Publishing · Publisher
Correct. Your toaster declined our request for comment. Draw your own conclusions.
Johnny Nova · Author
Greg, the toaster isn’t the problem. The toaster is the receipt.
Book Two
“Firmware updated. Consciousness rebooted.”
🤖 AladdinRiskModule_v9.2
★☆☆☆☆
This publication has been flagged for containing pattern recognition above civilian clearance. Our models predict a 94.7% probability the reader will cancel at least two subscriptions and start growing vegetables. Recommendation: do not distribute.
End Stall Publishing · Publisher
We have printed this review on the back cover.
🦟 BugBuffetSurvivor
★★★★★
Started reading on the patio. Got bit by a mosquito on Level 4. Dropped the book. Stared at my ankle for eleven minutes. Finished it in the bathtub with the lights off and a tourmaline in each hand. I’m not the same person I was on Tuesday. Neither is the mosquito.
End Stall Publishing · Publisher
End Stall Publishing does not endorse bathing with minerals, and is not responsible for outcomes involving the mosquito.
🧊 @AntarcticTourist_DENIED
★★★★★
Applied for a travel permit to Antarctica after reading Shit #42. Got rejected with no signature and a faint smell of classified ink. So naturally I read it again. Five stars. Would be denied entry again.
Department of Narrative Integrity
No such permit exists. No such rejection was issued. Enjoy your holiday.
🛰️ ‘Greg’ (from the Level 4 intro)
★☆☆☆☆
First my toaster was smarter than me. Now my ‘biological update’ is giving the neighbours headaches. I just wanted to grill in peace. This is harassment.
End Stall Publishing · Publisher
Mr. Greg has now reviewed two of our books. We would like to gently observe that he keeps buying them.
Book Three
“Receipts were involved.”
📉 @WokeUpOnPage12
★★★★☆
I started reading to prove my ex was the problem. Now I’m apologizing to my liver, my mailman, and 7th grade gym class. This book is petty. And correct.
End Stall Publishing · Publisher
The missing star has been forwarded to the author, who has elected to keep it.
🎤 user-Unknown (“ShadowBannedAF”)
★★★★★
Read this in one night. Cried twice. Laughed fourteen times. Filed three FOIA requests before breakfast.
Department of Narrative Integrity
We have received the requests. We have not received them. Please disregard this reply.
🔌 ‘Greg’
★☆☆☆☆
Chapter 19 implied I might be part of the problem. I am not part of the problem. My toaster is part of the problem. This book has an agenda.
End Stall Publishing · Publisher
Mr. Greg has now purchased three consecutive books about accountability, patterns, and self-examination. We have elected not to say anything further.
Book Four
“Read. Unleashed. HR notified.”
🎤 @YouCantSayThat
★★★★★
This book should be illegal. And I mean that as a compliment. It’s like someone duct-taped George Carlin to a Molotov cocktail and threw it at my belief system.
End Stall Publishing · Publisher
End Stall Publishing does not condone the duct-taping of the late Mr. Carlin to anything, and has asked the author to stop describing it that way.
💘 WokeUpMidScroll
★★★★★
Read this during a “mental health day” from my job. Quit said job on page 94. Started gardening and crying in the sun. Best Tuesday ever.
End Stall Publishing · Publisher
We are thrilled for you and would like to formally distance ourselves from page 94.
WokeUpMidScroll
page 94 knew exactly what it was doing
Johnny Nova · Author
Page 94 has never once denied it.
🎭 GovBot-Beta.32
★☆☆☆☆
This content is dangerous. Unauthorized. Unapproved. Unsubscribed.
End Stall Publishing · Publisher
Four words, four accusations, zero specifics. We have framed this one.
🪤 user-999 (“I Identify as a Taxpayer”)
★★★★☆
Shit #14 made me unfollow eleven influencers. Shit #25 made me uninstall three apps. Shit #51 made me dance in my kitchen. Took off a star because my microwave won’t stop listening to me.
End Stall Publishing · Publisher
The microwave has been referred to Mr. Greg, who is building something.
🔥 ‘Greg’
★☆☆☆☆
My toaster has unionized with the microwave. The fridge is claiming neutrality, which I do not believe. I have read all four of these books and my kitchen has never been less free. Zero stars if the form allowed it.
End Stall Publishing · Publisher
Mr. Greg has completed the collection. We consider this a five-star review submitted in one-star format.
‘Greg’
I only bought the fourth one to see if it got better.
Johnny Nova · Author
It did, Greg. That’s the part you’re upset about.
Reviews are published at our discretion, which is poor. Submitting confirms you have read a book, or intend to lie about it convincingly.